december26

i need sleep. forreallz

i have noooo idea why i've been like on pms mode for days. i'm not even on my period.

anywayss xmas was gewd. i seem to get less gifts as i age but itsallgood. haha it was sooo funny tho, i was at steezens fams and we got busted for pda. oppppps.

so i heard if you let a girl into the car first and she reaches over and unlocks the other side first she's a keeper. what if she locks you out after you unlock your own side just to be funny? what's that's suppose to symbolize? haha

poke her

of course i WOULD be the only person mad at someone and still make a scrapbook while being mad at them.. still.

idk i guess it opened my eyes, i totally lost my life for someone and that's what i didn't wanna do. i missed so many crazy events with my heffers and now when they remenice about it i'm so lost. i have no idea what they're talking about. i've become an outsider of the inside jokes.

super sad face

i caught up .. kinda. had a good night of poker and i'm looking forward? to the break. i need to not fall into this stupid hole that boys create. fuckkk that.

pin point

i am so fucking full
its way cold

*

i hate being fat

your borring

so today i was trying to get the girls to line up on the dots and as always they run to try and make it first. i just dont understand WHY the hell anybody cares about being first into the classroom but of course to a bunch of second graders it means the world to them. ANYwho, i asked them why they couldnt be like the middle school kids and not give a shit who goes first and they said that the middle school kids were borring and lame, thats why. and its so true. we all seem to lose a big part of us when we grow older. its like your mind isn't as creative or carefree when you older. you stop paying attention to detail like getting in the classroom first means getting the first pick at seats or books.

man i love kids.

sunday morning

morn


belmont shore x-mas shindig

hahah i would always remember looking forward to the parade to see super hott boys. but then this year i actually had one with me :]

weekend was legit. my roommates and steezen are seriously the only people i could do absolutly nothing with and still have a bomb ass time. its CRAZy.

ive decided to weigh myself today because i probably wont have time but this diet thing is going pretay smooth and im stoked, even tho i dont know if ive lost ANYthing ahhaha

I WANNA BE OFF MY PERIOD :[

stab city

"and even when you try to love,
its fake.
and even when you try to touch
it breaks."

last couple of days have been eh. we threw some 80s party for adam on thursday and i found it to be a disaster. idk but i was over it fast.

haha i got to meet stevens sisters yesterday, they're all really pretty and intimidating at the same time. they were really really nice tho.

its nice feeling like i have someone around that i can trust and not be so sketch about what point we're at and how the other person feel about you. i love the feeling of knowing and having communication. and i've finally after all this time found someone i like in every way. i took time and made sure everything about him was what i wanted instead of just taking the first heffer that came along.


i am growing olddddd.

fuck atkins!

shits kicking my ass. i want carbs SO bad!
but i gotta stick with it

i got a new pair of boots today :] my first ever. yenno, im more of a sneaker sandals girl oh yeah chuknow haha.

one more dayy! till hollyweird and jello and bomb ass breakfast AND steven fool! oh and that bitch holly.

FUCK WORK!

wish list

fresh ass month.

haha just gotta put this out there

for chistmas i would LOVE
_ a new headset for my xbeezy
_ someone to take me on a grocery shopping spree :]
_ PINKS! the day AFTER christmas
_ uggs? haha cos i dont wanna buy them [but plz dont be mad if i never wear them]
_ a new tat! haha
_ a netflicks account
_ my favorite movies ever on dvd [i lost them all!]
*stick it
*lords of dogtown
*cars [yes the cartoon haha]
_ perfume, surprise me!
_ c-los's new deck from gallery
_ a tirp to disneylanddddd
_ a freakin laptop charger! shittyy

& smoree shit i cant think of.
thanks yo =D

FTW

thanks for giving

the best ive had in a long while.
i wish i could have counted how many times i got "your so fat now"
dude no joke my family has no shame in telling me anything

ohhh fucking man,
and then like i saw my little cuzzo playing cod4 via ps3 and this little fucker was handling motherrs. seriously like top of the leaderboards all dayy. it was NUTS like this fool is 9 years old and he OWNS like no other. he didnt have a mic so everyone he's showin up doesnt even realize some little kid is powning. i seriously think he has potenital to goo pro. blew my mind.


black friday shopping hoy with no one but the best.

hollyweird

gots me bustin mishhs.










finally.

ran dumb.

haha i love waking up monday morning to random people crashed out in my living room.

i had THE best weekend i've had in a while

thursday: drinking
friday: holyweird
saturday: dinnah partay / UCI
sunday: recover

ALL with steezen :]

thankkkkk the lord for a short upcoming week.

infected

i dont know how many times i've been sick this year.
shits ridiculous sonnn!

2 more dayyyss till broom ballin once again haha
uhm and getting the apartment ready for dinner party on saturday
im SO glad i have a date for that :] haha

YSLYFLONDON! ahahahhahahaha

broomballin

SUPER LEGIT!

honest to god i haven't had such a good night in a long time

BLT

the sammich and the parties SUCK

nahhh they dont suck, i just had a bad night :[


i've learned that communication is the key to like pretty much life, im just not great at it.



my dickkk hahahaha

note to self

guys never give back massages without wanting some.

never learn.

juggle struggle

my emotions are outragous. they scare me.

i guess i'll just put this shit out here for everyone to know my "true" feelings; i'm very picky when it comes to men but i know i have every right to be. if i just picked the first fucker that came by i would be SCREWeD for the rest of my life. and i know i'm young but i've hit a point where i'd like a significant other.

my roommates call me a slut haha and i will admit that i "date" [whatever the fuck that suppose to mean nowadays] many people. i think everyone that finds me of interest should a least get a chance to know me. and of course its always the ones you don't like that fall head over heels for you. but if i REALLY like someone i definantly do not give in. i'm actually really shy around people i do like or think they are worth persuing. shit that sucks is that i WAY over analyze and that's what makes me fuck outta luck.

i could honestly be blindfolded and choose my next boyfriend. its alllllll about personality and that's what i want.

i haven't had a solid crush in a while, and a crush to me would be someone i want to pursue as of what i know about them now. i like the thrill of the chase but you really can't over do it.

i don't want to over analyze
i do want this to work out.

"hear me you."

and sorry for all the misspelled words.

cigs

i've been getting those moments lately where i pass a point and i'm like

wow, i really love my life.

its like we're crusing down ocean and passing all these weird lights that are in the middle of the poluted water listening to some indie band that i've never heard of which surprises me.

and abbies super hammered hahaa

you sound like your from london!

eh so second party was a bussttt

whateverrr. i met some awesome people and had somewhat of a good time



i never got my tat because of some bullshit ticket. FML.



eh yeah, i'l update later.

new?

"if blood runs thicker than water, then you'll drown faster than we intend."

HAHA josh just got a one thousand dollar phone bill. you faggot

obama stinks

haha i'm at work right now and some kid comes up to me and asks

"who are you voting for"

and i respond

"obama"

and he replies

"obama stinks."

LA fucking MAO

ahh circa.

dear powerful imaginary being,

i want a wholesome mother fucker,
we can start at that for now.




but i just played some fucking bomb ass beer pong
ELLLL yeah

i are guy who g0nz save you

its whatever the fuck o'clock in the morn and i can't fucking sleep. i hate this shit. i'm blogging from my phone because i refuse to get out of bed but either way i'm still not fully commiting to sleeping.

for some reason my face feels like someone socked me super hard.

oh great, and here comes the sun.

FML!

too long

i got locked out of my house yesterday and it was crazy
im moving sunday
i probably will not be blogging in the near future
but i will try, promise.

bbl.

disappear

"i not left alone
watch us slowly disappear
in time"

i cut my bangs today;
another reason why i dont make myself up
ugh they turned out horribleee
oh but my toes turned out really cute

i had too much yogurtland today
i bought ONE of my costumes today
uhm and i've been coughing so much i've grown abs

redroom tomorrow for gallery?
messenger show tuesday

movingg in house party whaaaaaa!!!

i actually miss kdog.
but fuck him.

the most

ive evver partied; ever
haha i have a feeling im gonna beat that pretty soon.

oh but yesterday was LONG
i woke up after sleeping for 5 hours. literally jumped out of bed and went to walmart to buy some toilet paper which i HATE because i hate buying stupid necessary things. UGH fml, anyways called zachhh and went to go have breakfast then scooped up joeye and went to watch nick and noras. and went to amani's after to get ready to go clubbing, went to pucket thai/buff exchange. then a whole mess of other places then to the club and then joshua snee's house to crash because i love that fucker.

i wish that i would befriend people instead of date them; it was save me so much heartache.


dunzo.

zomg

haha on friday morning i woke up at amani's still drunk, and my "drunk" ass had work the next day. twas terrible. but i made it thru.

so the last couple of nights i made a shit load of new friends, girls [haha]. and its been pretaaaay dope. this moving out sheeits gon be siiick.

bang bang choochoo train tonight

&yes you can bet i will not be sober ;]

haha

"people think more of you when they see less on you"

god i must be such a pain to have as an ex girlfriend.
dont get involved with me.
or better yet, just dont hurt me. fuckers.
i hate every single one of you.

she foreign so its
no words
and its no slang
and im no trick
and im no lame
its just so slick
that she so game
yeaaa yea she love it over here

twozerofour am and im cracked out.
labtopz please dun die on me :[

FML

payday.
and boy was it FAT :]

too bad its all pretty much gone. ah, i hate responsibilities. but i guess that's what puts me on top of the rest right?! yeaaaaaaaaaah.

sleepover at joshua snee's casa. he's really become my bestfriend.

its only monday and im wishing it were thursday night already.
but taco tuesday tomorrow? i can't join, not for a while at least :[ im on this hardcore raw diet thing and im really trying to stick to it. i wanna be as small as i used to be in high school. when i was at least decent looking. HAHA.

gow. lateeeee

tripple threat

three times the misery.

i am on my period
i am slightly hungover
i am deathly ill

but i am still completely content.

moving into park ave?! pleaseeeeeeeeee let it happen.
BOMBDOTCOM.

meet me

in china bitch.

can i be your memory?

man another satisfying night, i love my life.

ohhhfcuuk. so like me and stef and the boys were walking back to the car and these three drunk beans decide to throw a beer bottle [glass] at us. knowing me i start freakin out but i love my heffers, they were gonna beat the living daylights out of them. and the cops were right there to see it all.

note to self: stay away from the ghettos of aniheim.

5:43am goooood fucking night.

viva la vida

pretend this is my gas tank on full

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

this is my gas tank now

ll

probably one bar les than that.
ahahaah thats suppose to last me till like monday too
no bigggg E

dude so tonight was "hekka" [i heard a 3rd grader say it today] fucking dope
for the first time boys were not my priority and it was fucking BOMB
i always seem to forget how much fun i have with just friends
when i dont keep my eyes open and i shut the door of opportunity

i dont feel empty and i really feel good about me

i love me,
i love life.

nufffff said.

aint nothin but a G thang

fuck my life, im late on rent. its not even on my part tho mother didnt stick to her promising end. but i guess i should just be happy that she pays for half of it. i love you nigga.

AHEM the premier was pretty dope.
thats all i'l really say about that

i hate this new myspace player thing. it sucks my balls.

"i suck at blogging"
yeah deeeeerryl, you do.
its k

omfg

she knows my name

if you KNOW he's fucking around with girls why do you put up?
seriously girls these days mangggg.
even my emotions aren't that mental.

i are

halfway drunk

i called like 2 people and txt someone that deserved it. i hate how irresponsible i am with my heart. i toss it here and there and i am way to easily flattered. i wish i could just like block everthing that came my way but i feel like i might pass up the opportunity for love.


WHO THE FUCK cares, dude melody; like seriously grow up.

marco polo

3 day weekend with a 30 hour training. that translate to like 4 hours of sleep per night.

i am at soso's house with the boys playing wid sheeeit. waiting for something to happen on this borrrrrrrrrrring friday night. UGH





i cant stop thinking about a certain someone and im still debating weather or not that is a good thing. i should have learned my lesson by now but i dont wanna pass up the wrong one. FUCK this.

i am so immature.

9111!1!

marshamarshamarsha
dramadramadrama

it never ends.

uHHHmms. yeah.

YL time.

burcham elementary

it had to be simple, for the children to read.





buttttt that was my day in a nutshell. toodles.

oh hello.

i'm not trying to run my mileage up, ya digg?

i've never been around so much weed in my life and i'm so convinced that i will never smoke haha.

i really wanna kiss someone; anyone. and i want them to be a good kisser. i know its like beggers can't be chooser but mannnnnn.

thug life.

beautiful mess

SHE's the best of both worlds --a woman who's confident (on the outside) and appears put together but also a woman who is on the inside, needy, lost and dependant on a mans love. its the kind of crazy girl a man cant help but love..both sides of this woman builds up a mans ego, he's got the strong woman, and he's got the woman who needs him..he realizes its not healthy its --CRAZY and he knows SHE will love you one minute and hate you the next (tear down a man/build him up again) she appears 'together' but her mind is reckless...she's sane and insane, she's strong but needy, humble, but greedy...she's strong enough to be without a man, at the same time still helpless and dependant on one. its all about one man loving one woman...a lost one. the woman has been through alot, the man is along for the rough ride and basically says they're now wounded together..he sticks it out, cause even though few and far between, the one day that everything seems normal is so worth the wait..the song is a warped fairy tale.

let me telllll you

this is going to be long but fuck you because you gots ta readd it!

SO like i work at the ymca as a after school councilor and i started this job in march. during the school year we work as an after school program, during the summer we work as summer camp councilors. well anyways every school site 4 team leaders, one assistant director and one site director. last school year i started out as just a regular team leader and now i got promoted to assistant director but the school site i work at isn't the same as last year and the kids are mind blowingly [thats not a real word] bad. they're crazy. so i asked to get transfered to a different school and my wish came true. but i gotta accept the demotion. BUTTT this entire week ive have been the active site director and most the parents and teacher AND my boss think ive been doing a great job. so kevin [which is like the head of all this] was thinking about letting my site director go to make me site director and this is like HUGE because the pay is awesome. but for now im gonna take my demotion and head off to another school and see what happens.

i hope the tire starts swinging my direction. like with everything eles in my life.

check me outttt

my hair is PURPLE!!

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh:
_ my sleep pattern is messed up
_ i need to find another job
_ i dont want to start school
_ i would love to get TOTALLY hammered this weekend
_ i wanna get laid :]
_ i miss tons of people
_ i need to pay my ticket. PLUS my gow2 preorder
_ i gotta visit gallery
_ i still haven't signed up for biking classes
_ take me paintballing !
_ I NEED A MOTHER FREAKIN VACATION!

sank you.

teach me

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved

help

i am no longer content. i feel like i have completely fallen apart. what has happened to all the goodness in people? why is everything in this world so FUCKED up now?


my goal now: to only worry about myself because no one else matters.

dear "grade A"

i really hope everythings okay and that you didnt get into some fatal accident because i think thats the only way im going to forgive you for flaking on me tonight. well actually not just me, everyone, everyone was waiting on you and thats what upset me the most.



i can honestly say i am disappointed, and extremely upset.

let me grow

some bitches never learn.
im chill, im easy going, im wholesome.
i just want someone to return the favor

i am trying my hardest to be extremely mature about this situation. please dont let me down. i feel like im trying to mold myself into someone to fit them, not to try to impress but to grow and be on the same so call "level" as this person.

i wish i didnt spend so much time thinking and debating and just let it go. but i guess this is the only guard i have. i know, actually everybody knows, there is no avoiding love. the only protection you have is to end it before it starts. and im obviously not trying to do so.

so now

im trying to be really serious about this diet thing. so if you see me PLEASE dont tempt me to eat :[ i know im not fat. i know, i just wanna feel better about myself. i wanna know i can put myself to do something and accomplish it.

holy BALLS!

my mind is just like

akjsdfas;ljdkfa;sldkjfwouite;dsxkwoif;ldskfjndsklf1234

yeah JUST like that.
HOLY CRAP what would your girlfriend say if she knew?!
OMG what a dogggggggg.

damage

one: left arm

[this one was actually the only one not done by a paintball gun. thanks FAGGOT]

two: right armthree: right legfour: left side of my hipfive: left boob? kinda

i got owned. but i did even more owning. i actually had a very hard time sleeping last night it was wayy hott and at that i was in soooooo much pain. twas all worth it :]

la vida loca

man this weekend is INSANE :]
in a very good way of course
& its still not even over. oh so i got to go paintballing con mauiwowi. twas great. then my xbox got OWNED by the stupid ring of fire. and i've made it a goal to stop cursing. won poker on randy azimizz birthday heard good news from joshua snee and im looking forward to seeing keeev tomorrow.

ANDDD ive been sober all weekend. ELLLL YEAHH.

lost in LA

hi my names melody,

& i was just wondering if you would like to go out sometime? maybe catch a movie or get some coffee, im not complicated. or maybe we can go to my place, just spend some time. then we can go on more dates or we can get together and have a loving serious relationship; maybe get married and buy a home. someday have two kids, one boy and one girl. grow old together and look back and our lives with no complaint.


so how about that coffee?

CYEAHHH RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

crystal clear

im gonna make this as LITERAL as possible so your dumbass can understand because i KNOW you are so concerned about my life. awwh how cute you still care.

+ so all these depressing boy blogs most of them aren't about you, they're about other retarded boys that came after you that were probably just as stupid as you are. therefore they needed to be cut out of my life just like you should have been.

+ i hate you. yes you are correct on that one. and its not because im not over you because i am COMPLETELY over you. i regret every single second of it. i just never thought there was a person as fake as you are out there. i knew it when we were together and i knew i should have just listened to my hunch. but my caring heart just kept trying to keep going because i am such a wholesome kind hearted person. i hate you because you tricked me into believing lies.

+ "but your on my profile 24/7" PLEASE DARNELL speak for YOURSELF. i KNOW your checking this shit out right now and your probably not going to make a response back in a blog and what not because your a huge pussy and you just wanna be "the bigger man" and because i stated that you wouldnt and you dont want me to be right.

+ "no life you have" whoa. um i dont even know where to begin elaborating that. i go to school i dont work at a lame pretzel stand im responsible and pretty much independent. and i probably have more units passed than you do. and where are you again?

+ your ex girlfriend, is the dumbest bitch i know. i could explain myself on this one but thats pretty much the whole picture. i guess you guys are met for each other; both are stupid, fake, and attention hungry. if only she knew all the shit you used to talk about her. myy god what would she think? haaa you dont have to be labeled as "in a relationship" to fuck them its SO obvious what is going on so why do you have to lie to people? like anyone actually gives a shit? are you like concerned about what im gonna think? cos really theirs no saving my opinion of you.

+ your completely UNREAL. you dont like anthony green and your probably just barely found out what an rx7 was. you dont even know the basics of a car. what are you trying to do? mold into what i like?

uhhhhhhhh so now you can go throw a pretend tantrum. go smoke some or punch a hole in the wall or something for the attention. i hope i catch you one day just to be able to break your face. let me know the businnatchh bitch. FUCKKK YOU :]

sad face

no bueno.
i wonder how many times i have to feel like this before i learn.


its kinda like that question "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop" & the answer is the world may never know.

that is the question

to cut? or not to cut?











i FUCKING hate this :[

i wish

people that visited my myspace or blog made it present. not just steal shit of my page use it in their blog like it was their very own life experiences or their words that they thought of.

FUCK YOU DARNELL GET OFF MY SACK.

let california ring

i want a fairy tale romance just like every girl my age, i think no matter how much every girl denies wanting to be with someone in all actuality no girl wants to be alone. i do want someone, and it is only one. but without that one person i would not want anyone else and im speaking of this moment not like future tense or any bull crap. hahah i wish i could slut it up without thinking down upon myself LMAO. but there is one thing im sure im gonna try to keep my word on is getting married

i NEVER want to get married. ever.

il have kids yes, with someone whos willing to be in my life forever [or attempt to be] but i cant imagine trying to keep that promise with someone. the promise being "forever". josh was like "your gonna be like 80 and even more miserable than you think you already are." and seriously thats probably gonna happen regardless. marriage doesn't mean a damn thing anymore. it just means that your so in love with this one person at this one time and your gonna make a promise to stay together forever. but how often does that actually happen? thanks mom and dad. im fixing what you've screwed up for me.

house warming

best party ever. no doubt.
so i've learned a lot this weekend even being drunk as shit. ive learned that love is patient and anything good worth having is worth waiting for. ive learned that cutting people out of your life is the best way to do things. i am still trying to learn not to let others be in control of my emotions and also that being distracted is a quick fix to problems but its DEFIANTLY not the best way to do things. hooking up is fun and not slutty and no matter how dark i get i can still burn in the sun. so i guess now its back into school mode and what lies ahead cant be anything less than perfect because im in control.

love in this club

i have never felt more empty after clubbing. no masssssssss

fuck the pooooolice.

this is the most patient i've ever been with anyone that has come into my life. i hate not having the upper hand but at the same time its like i dont even know where the hell i stand. all i know is that i gotta be something special, right? i hate how i always try to see the good in people when in reality it could be alllllll bad. i know just the little that he tells me and i believe it with caution. i guess only time will tell.

please save me from love.

the remedy

problems, i got plenty. i dont even know where to start anymore. i have much on my plate and i just keep overloading. BLAH fuck the police.

"dont wanna worry my life away"

hi im melody

and i am NOT a stupid girl.

remember that.

:]

went from a complete ZERO to HERO. in boys that is.

thaaaank you fate.

hung over

back to the beginning, i hate how paranoid i get when i go out nowadays. i hate that theres a gun present everywhere and i hate how i havent gone anyplace where a fight hasnt broken out.

i hate violence

& i hate how much i freak out over it. but seriously i cant comprehend why people cannot just go out have a couple drinks and be fuckin merry. FUCK you.

The Greatest Lie

we laugh in the face of love
because nobodys really there
nobodys real.

boy that i have met,
i dont know how to do this at all. i feel like i should try to let go and stick to what i know, like i know i want to be single and the only way to do so is by discontinuing but at the same time i know i cant let this by. i worry to much & i hate it. like this feeling i feel is just the beggining and when things break appart it'll be gone and you'll just be another guy i dated that had no effect on me and i'l look back and be like wow i cant believe i ever dated this faggot.

so prove me wrong

recap

i have more pictures, im just not sure where they are.

nineteen.
by FAR the best birthday i have ever lived :]

THANK YOU!
to everyone that was a part of it.

birthday number one

my pizza party @ Y-CAMP

pizza & unexpected water balloons.
the only rule of water balloons: you can only get melody.

my bad

distress: code word for "i wanna live."

im sorry. i just dont want to have to care about you anymore.

buzzin'

Y-CAMP @ heartwell park

i got to take a nap at work today :] and when i woke up thats what i saw. i SERIOUSLY cant believe im saying this, but im stoked for school to start.

FULL time school & TWO jobs.

yeah im a mother fuckin gee BITCH :]

i love circa survive

Temptations win and I give in.

insomnia

my birthday is like in four dayss :] so i'm making a wish list now while there's still time haha

+ someone that will take me paintballing
+ a ball for my lip ring because i keep losing them [they're only $2]
+ a nice cute but SUPER HOTT boy to take me to dinner
+ a completed gallery board, or just the deck will do
+ finish payments on my gears of war 2 preorder
+ to ride in a car with more than 500 hp
+ a black mini fridge from joshua snee and ONLY from him and only him
+ a good circa survive tattoo idea [you can get me the tattoo if you REALLY want too]
+ for all "da homiez" to gather in one place and celebrate the day of birth of me and kenny haha
+ a full tank of gas
+ to watch batman again and not fall asleep during the movie [HA i feel lame]
+ a broadway mirror with an air freshener like shit im to lazy to go to super auto bacs for
+ a little ceasers pizza party this friday for my children at the ymca
+ ANOTHER xbox 360 [dont question me]
+ for my summer to suck a lot less
+ this one $7 shelf i saw at ikea that i want for my tv
+ to see tuscani again and just tell her i miss her and love her :[[
+ a DVD of the thrice show at house of blues that i went to
+ for dad to pay for my books for school this fall semister
+ to stop getting dark. curse you sunn!
+ someone to fix my breaks on my paul frank bike cos i cant figure it out
+ for a hug, and someone to just tell me "hey happy birthday my nigg".

yeeeeaaaahhh

who i'd like to meet

i had to edit this.

stop making your relationship BASED on me.

do you really have to go and try to clone me with someone who obviously cant handle? for a split second of my life i thought maybe i should make peace with you and then i remembered that i wasnt homo.

fuck me

FYI: this specific blog entry is not going to be interesting or informative to you unless you are the person i am speaking of or joshua snee hahaha. sorry.

besides this being the worst summer of my life i was able to meet one person that made it suck even bigger balls. rebound is probably the most common term to use for your condition but rebound evolved into something more. i've never had a rebound that failed me until you. i caught feelings when i wasn't suppose to and now my heart has become the toy of choice. i continuously give you chance after chance but every outcome of the chance seems to hurt more then the last. you feed me hope when i ask you not to and every time i try to stop you get me going again. now for the very last time i am shutting you out. i dont think you deserve to know how i feel straightforwardly so i guess this blog is the disguise. all i want now is to regenerate all the love i once had for myself. its funny, i once heard from someone who was drunk out of their mind

"if you put all the time and effort that you use on others into yourself, you would be the best person alive"

and that quote could never be more right. i can give you ALL the time in the world, but being as indecisive and untrustworthy as you have proven to me, i don't think you deserve the time. my time. i'm not sorry; you brought this upon yourself.

for once, on a thursday night i dont feel like going out. i feel like staying in this temporary bedroom of mine and spending time on me and hopefully i can make it up to myself for all the time i have wasted on others. but who am i kidding after all that's said and done i'm down for a bombbb ass night :]

this shit riiii here

this right here is my goal:

"Apparently I am single... but doesn't mean I'm available. I can say with much confidence that I am solely happy because of myself; not because of a girl that is in my life."

or in my case the "girl" would be replaced with "boy". i once used to be in this mode, and then i let one stupid heffer get in my way.

bayshore

highlight of my day. i thot it was a cool trick :]

Y-CAMP @ bayshore

i know my away message said "the best camp day i've had by far" but i was being extremely sarcastic. the herd of children and i headed out to bayshore (yenno like los altos bay; the one with no waves) like we do every monday of camp to find there was not one single person at the beach. i guess some pipe broke and shit went in the water so it was contaminated therefore the beach was closed untill further notice. we called yellow bus to come back and get us and when it got to us it broke down. bad start of the week? lets hope its the only bad thing to happend this week.

real spit

"the lips of our fate
will become the ones of your loss
and my relief
i'll taunt them right in your face
and show you how its done
because now my lips belong to another someone."

so i cant hide this any longer. my feelings are like jumping beans; they're confused and everywhere all at once. in high school it always seemed like relationships came along so easy, stayed for a while, and weren't as devastating as they seem to be today. im starting to think i set myself up for heartbreak when i try my hardest to avoid every aspect of it. its probably karma cos we all know how much of a biggooo bitch that is. give me a break please?! i haven't had one rock solid boyfriend in YEARS. and now its like do i really want one? i can't deny of LOVING the feeling of having someone there to be bored with me but i can NOT handle the emotional stress. seriously...

FUCK ex boyfriends.

start here

yessss one of these gay things. i'm trying to copy angela HAHA.