The Greatest Lie

we laugh in the face of love
because nobodys really there
nobodys real.

boy that i have met,
i dont know how to do this at all. i feel like i should try to let go and stick to what i know, like i know i want to be single and the only way to do so is by discontinuing but at the same time i know i cant let this by. i worry to much & i hate it. like this feeling i feel is just the beggining and when things break appart it'll be gone and you'll just be another guy i dated that had no effect on me and i'l look back and be like wow i cant believe i ever dated this faggot.

so prove me wrong

recap

i have more pictures, im just not sure where they are.

nineteen.
by FAR the best birthday i have ever lived :]

THANK YOU!
to everyone that was a part of it.

birthday number one

my pizza party @ Y-CAMP

pizza & unexpected water balloons.
the only rule of water balloons: you can only get melody.

my bad

distress: code word for "i wanna live."

im sorry. i just dont want to have to care about you anymore.

buzzin'

Y-CAMP @ heartwell park

i got to take a nap at work today :] and when i woke up thats what i saw. i SERIOUSLY cant believe im saying this, but im stoked for school to start.

FULL time school & TWO jobs.

yeah im a mother fuckin gee BITCH :]

i love circa survive

Temptations win and I give in.

insomnia

my birthday is like in four dayss :] so i'm making a wish list now while there's still time haha

+ someone that will take me paintballing
+ a ball for my lip ring because i keep losing them [they're only $2]
+ a nice cute but SUPER HOTT boy to take me to dinner
+ a completed gallery board, or just the deck will do
+ finish payments on my gears of war 2 preorder
+ to ride in a car with more than 500 hp
+ a black mini fridge from joshua snee and ONLY from him and only him
+ a good circa survive tattoo idea [you can get me the tattoo if you REALLY want too]
+ for all "da homiez" to gather in one place and celebrate the day of birth of me and kenny haha
+ a full tank of gas
+ to watch batman again and not fall asleep during the movie [HA i feel lame]
+ a broadway mirror with an air freshener like shit im to lazy to go to super auto bacs for
+ a little ceasers pizza party this friday for my children at the ymca
+ ANOTHER xbox 360 [dont question me]
+ for my summer to suck a lot less
+ this one $7 shelf i saw at ikea that i want for my tv
+ to see tuscani again and just tell her i miss her and love her :[[
+ a DVD of the thrice show at house of blues that i went to
+ for dad to pay for my books for school this fall semister
+ to stop getting dark. curse you sunn!
+ someone to fix my breaks on my paul frank bike cos i cant figure it out
+ for a hug, and someone to just tell me "hey happy birthday my nigg".

yeeeeaaaahhh

who i'd like to meet

i had to edit this.

stop making your relationship BASED on me.

do you really have to go and try to clone me with someone who obviously cant handle? for a split second of my life i thought maybe i should make peace with you and then i remembered that i wasnt homo.

fuck me

FYI: this specific blog entry is not going to be interesting or informative to you unless you are the person i am speaking of or joshua snee hahaha. sorry.

besides this being the worst summer of my life i was able to meet one person that made it suck even bigger balls. rebound is probably the most common term to use for your condition but rebound evolved into something more. i've never had a rebound that failed me until you. i caught feelings when i wasn't suppose to and now my heart has become the toy of choice. i continuously give you chance after chance but every outcome of the chance seems to hurt more then the last. you feed me hope when i ask you not to and every time i try to stop you get me going again. now for the very last time i am shutting you out. i dont think you deserve to know how i feel straightforwardly so i guess this blog is the disguise. all i want now is to regenerate all the love i once had for myself. its funny, i once heard from someone who was drunk out of their mind

"if you put all the time and effort that you use on others into yourself, you would be the best person alive"

and that quote could never be more right. i can give you ALL the time in the world, but being as indecisive and untrustworthy as you have proven to me, i don't think you deserve the time. my time. i'm not sorry; you brought this upon yourself.

for once, on a thursday night i dont feel like going out. i feel like staying in this temporary bedroom of mine and spending time on me and hopefully i can make it up to myself for all the time i have wasted on others. but who am i kidding after all that's said and done i'm down for a bombbb ass night :]

this shit riiii here

this right here is my goal:

"Apparently I am single... but doesn't mean I'm available. I can say with much confidence that I am solely happy because of myself; not because of a girl that is in my life."

or in my case the "girl" would be replaced with "boy". i once used to be in this mode, and then i let one stupid heffer get in my way.

bayshore

highlight of my day. i thot it was a cool trick :]

Y-CAMP @ bayshore

i know my away message said "the best camp day i've had by far" but i was being extremely sarcastic. the herd of children and i headed out to bayshore (yenno like los altos bay; the one with no waves) like we do every monday of camp to find there was not one single person at the beach. i guess some pipe broke and shit went in the water so it was contaminated therefore the beach was closed untill further notice. we called yellow bus to come back and get us and when it got to us it broke down. bad start of the week? lets hope its the only bad thing to happend this week.

real spit

"the lips of our fate
will become the ones of your loss
and my relief
i'll taunt them right in your face
and show you how its done
because now my lips belong to another someone."

so i cant hide this any longer. my feelings are like jumping beans; they're confused and everywhere all at once. in high school it always seemed like relationships came along so easy, stayed for a while, and weren't as devastating as they seem to be today. im starting to think i set myself up for heartbreak when i try my hardest to avoid every aspect of it. its probably karma cos we all know how much of a biggooo bitch that is. give me a break please?! i haven't had one rock solid boyfriend in YEARS. and now its like do i really want one? i can't deny of LOVING the feeling of having someone there to be bored with me but i can NOT handle the emotional stress. seriously...

FUCK ex boyfriends.

start here

yessss one of these gay things. i'm trying to copy angela HAHA.